secretlyr0tten: september 15 late night rambling. transatlanticism is the one song in the world that can fight against you for the biggest place in the heart. and you are the only person who has ever attained such a big piece of my heart.
“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person. - Oscar Wilde” But you need to see that I want to be defined by you. I want to breathe knowing you’re holding my hand the whole time. I want to be making you little promises, and breaking others along the way. I want all sorts of things to keep my heart...
every once in a while, we exchange this mixture of words. “i love you,” “you make me happy,” “you’re beautiful,” “i like this,” “you’re perfect,” and they cut me deeper and deeper each time. and with each sentence spoken, i question whether you truly mean this cluster of words at all, or if you solely just say them to satisfy...
If you asked me to look back on the last nine months of my life, the only thing I could tell you would be that it’s a blur. So much has happened, and so many things have been packed into those days. So many tears had been shed and so many words had been exchanged. A part of me still lies in disbelief at the thought of you tearing this family apart. It still questions as if you even did those...
i absolutely hate these feelings that perch themselves on the highest stool in the back of my heart, constantly telling me i can fix you. yelling at me to fix you. to pick up your pieces, and to put together the one puzzle that i have all the pieces to. but i tend to want to be a fixer, always trying to use my heart, and my hands. fixing broken cardigans with loose buttons, fixing stray hairs,...
cant get over how awesome my boyfriend is and how happy he makes me (◡‿◡)
when it comes down to it, me and dylan either get along really well or we don’t, and i think that’s what drives me absolutely crazy and what makes me love him more and more each day.
fuck me for needing you constantly, and more than you’ve ever needed me this entire time. fuck this for seeming easier than it looks and for tying itself into one big knot over and over and over again. fuck you for making me feel this spectrum of emotions that i can never learn to control. and finally, fuck you for being the only person i can ever see myself with
I need to accept that no matter what you will never love me as much as I love you and you will never show me you love me in the ways I want you to. It hurts so much to do, but I have to deal with it and I have to come to terms with it.
I feel like every time you tell me you love me you don’t mean it anymore and that I’m always doing something wrong. I hope you’re happy and if not, I hope that you have the guts to do something about it. I truly look out for your happiness before I do mine.
I’m laying awake and realizing how happy I am with you and how happy you truly are with me. I can feel my pulse throughout my body and realize that you are what keeps me this way. And I am so in love with it and so in love with you.
Dylan: So if this is the earth.. *points up at sticker on the ceiling* and the sun is all the way over there *points up at sticker on the other side of the ceiling* then, that's how much I love you.
nobody's gonna come and save you, we've pulled to...
All I want is to be able to make you happy. I want you to be proud to call me yours. I wish that everything was like it used to be. I’m sorry if I’m the reason why you’re so unhappy and if that’s the case, please for the love of god just break up with me. I’ve wanted you to be a constant in my life since I met you. I miss seeing you smile, and being the reason...
It’s hard knowing that I’ve let you into my life and I’ve let you into my world, but you treat me no differently. Before we met, no one had ever known me as perfectly as you do now. And that scares me, because it tears me apart. I’ve torn down my walls for you and I’ve let you see me so stripped down from what I appear to be. But you take it for granted. And you just...
The hardest thing to realize is that no single person can ever fill the voids that another person has. No one person could ever fill the hills and valleys that another has in their hearts and mind. No matter how much you push yourself to be enough for the other person, you’ll never be.
Can we create something beautiful, and destroy it?
You honestly can’t tell me that this makes you happy. We need change and I’m willing to make it with you. You’re all I need right now. I just want that to be mutual.
I loved you a year ago, I loved you a month ago, and I loved you yesterday. What makes you think I won’t love you tomorrow?
But sometimes you make me feel so fucking irrelevant and unimportant to you. And it leaves me recklessly torn and broken as to wonder what the fuck I did wrong this time.
i’m finally realizing that people don’t care as much as they say they do. actions speak louder than words. and most actions are non-existant these days. my words are getting thinner, and who knows how much longer they’ll really mean anything at all. if anything, i hope this stays true, that i always have, and always will love you.